Noob
n00b - someone who sucks ass at the topic at hand and acts like a complete douchebag because of it. 1337(leet)speak,A.K.A. Elite speak (not to be confused with wort-ish), is a common douchiness performed exclively by noobs or people mocking noobs.Saying things such as: * "I'll pwn j00" * "ph41l" * "W7F?! j00 4R3 73H Ch347z0rz!!!11!!!one!!eleventy!" The n00b will in fact often call others n00bs, thus showing a complete lack of self-awareness. The only truly effective weapons against n00bs are "your momma" jokes and immediate and repeated termination, thereby giving them no room to insult. Be warned, the second course of action will often result in accusations of "h4x0r1ng", known to "normal" people as cheating. N00biness Any certified doctor can easily diagnose the state of being a n00b, more commonly know as n00biness or Noob cancer. The following are things that are commonly checked when testing for n00biness. Risk Factors There are several risk factors associated with n00biness. The most common are: * Having gone through puberty, but still having an abnormally high-pitched voice. * Failing first grade English class. * Playing Halo, or similar video games, for more than 6 hours straight (currently the record stands at 45.34 hours). * Sucking ass but being unable to admit it. (if you can admit then your still not a noob unless you use noob tactics) * Using noob tactics(eg: PP and human wep(the infamous noob combo), rocket launcher against ppl on the ground). * Having a gamertag that includes 1337 speak or gibberish. * Having a gamertag that includes the word "sniper" despite absolutely sucking with sniper weapons. * Being a Noobish Editor. * Getting laid by some nerdy chick that is krunk * Being an athletic nerd * Having a gamertag of a charactor in the game your playing(eg: ppl who call themselves master chief or anything with 117 in it). Anyone with any of these risk factors should immediately be tested for noobiness before playing any multiplayer games, in order to control the spread of the disease. Symptoms Noobiness manifests itself in many ways. The most common symptoms are: * Not being able to tell the difference between an "A" and a "4". * Failing classes because you wrote your final papers using the above logic. * Sticking plasma grenades to your own crotch in order to prevent another human from getting the point from killing you. * Sticking plasma grenades to your own crotch for no reason. * Yelling "This server sucks!" and disconnecting from the server the first time you are killed. * Craving Achievements for orgasms. * Have dreams you're making out with Cortana. Note: Continued T-bagging of campaign NPC's is still under study. Not understanding the last sentence, however, has been proven accurate for early symptions of n00b. Treatment N00biness is extremely difficult to treat. Once initially infected, it is almost always impossible to stop the downward cycle. Some experimental methods that may work include: * Taking extra English classes during summer school. * Breaking the "4" key on your keyboard (although n00biness will eventually lead to this because of excessive use). * Throwing away all of your grenades at the start of the round. * Having a friend (assuming that you have any) beat you over the head with a baseball bat, a row or an iron bar whenever you act like a n00b. * Avoid use of the term "pwn" until you actually can "pwn". * Separating yourself from other n00bs for extended periods of time. * Not killing yourself in a match at least once. * Doing yoga whenever you see an SMG. * Strenuous training in throwing grenades, driving Scorpions and speaking like a normal person. * Having the guts to ask someone out. * Having the guts to play a level with AIDs on at least normal difficulty. * Beat campaign on at least normal difficulty. Transmission N00biness is highly contagious to those who are not vaccinated or have not gone through puberty. Exposure to any n00b for any amount of time puts you at risk of contracting n00biness. Exposure to n00bs should be minimized at all costs. If you need help facing down your n00biness, please speak to your local administrator. Dealing With N00bs N00bs can contaminate you with n00biness very easily. The following are the proper tools to deal with them: * Camperguns * Sucky Mini Guns (they'll run to their mommas) * Noodlers (AKA The nOOB-inator) * Sniper Rifle (They'll never know what hit them...) * Yo Momma jokes * T-bagging (actually, this kind of fails a little bit...) * Any weapon in general, as long as you can aim it. Contageousness... nessness *The spread of n00bism has reached the point where grown men with normal voices are also in this state. This amplifies the theory that n00bism may also be caused by people with extremely small penises trying to compensate for their carnal shortcomings. Types of Noob *Achievement Whores: Noobs who attempt to unlock all achievements and film them using the Theater on Halo 3, or else asking friends to help them get achievements, and then bragging about the completely useless Katana attached to their backs. *Campers AKA Girl Scouts (which user ShadowyLeftHand takes no offense to): Noobs who stand near player spawn points with a shotgun and kill people. *Aggressive Snipers AKA Lee Harvey Oswalds: Noobs who will do anything to get a hold of a Sniper Rifle, including killing their own team-mates. Lee Harvey Oswalds are know to yell BOOM! HEADSHOT! on the rare occasions they actually hit someone. *JFK Jrs.: Noobs who enter a Banshee or Hornet and just fly around crashing into things. *De-Levelers: Noobs who keep sticking themselves with Plasma Grenades or commit suicide in other manners to lower their level on XBL. *Major Noobs: There are many major noobs in the halo server. These are people who can't get up their rank and keep on creating new accounts until they rank up and when they finally reach brig or general they talk all the crap to lower ranks when they probably have played over 6000 ranked games total. *(insert weapon) Whores: Noobs who camp by weapon spawnpoints and/or kill their teammates to get a hold of a certain weapon or vehicle. Common examples include Combo Whores, Shotgun Whores, Rocket Whores, and Tank Whores. *Modders AKA h4xz0rz5: These Noobs will actually pwn you... when they're modding anyway. You are probably playing against a modder if Ghosts start falling out of the sky right onto your head, you are attacked by a flying Warthog, somebody is shooting rockets out of their SMG, a giant gorilla suddenly spawns and rips you in half or the AIDs virus is unleashed. *Wannabe noobs: Noobs who think they can use a sniper rifle/tank but then they fail at it and when they die and their teammate takes it, they just bitch and moan about it and either kills their team mates or waits until the weapon spawns by camping at the spawn and hitting the wall until it spawns *Leeroy Jenkins - This type of n00b, directly from World of Warcraft, basically make all team activities fail. *Whiners a.k.a CryBabies - This type refuses to shut up, and when you kill them they cry and yell that you are cheating, or your a nerd, or that your the noobies of noobs, ect. They are also rather weak and easy to pick off. *Sheewhores - while Shotgun Whores etc and JFK jrs are mentioned above, this is a completely different category, and often fast-tracks the development of the Noob Disease. It involves hopping in the first Banshee the noob sees and using it with practiced f***tardness. If the noobs sees someone else using a banshee, they generally quit the server. People that yell 'SHEEWHORE!' at a Sheewhore are generally teetering on the brink of noobiness. *Fucktards - a Nub that has somehow become noobier, although it is thought to be impossible. Stages of n00b desease Newbie Not generaly considered the same a a n00b. this is mainly people who suck because they are new and this can lead to some-what Noob like behaviour out of pissed-offness. The least threatening and generaly most agreable. extended presence in this stage can rsult in advancing to stage 2. N00b The second stage and the first that is a true n00b is what occurs when you get annihilated by a n00b. This is the most common stage of infection. These n00bs are often seen using the shotgun and camp in small corners waiting to pounce on prey. Nub The last and most untreatable infection. Anyone past Newbie is beyond treatment are prone to killing themselves every time they attack. The Nub is known to utilize it's complete suicidal maniac-ness to charge and blow up their opponents and taking them with him. These n00bs use Rocket Lawn Chairs as that's the only thing that even gives the a chance of getting a kill. Known n00bs * Truth * Tartar Sauce * New001 * Whoever put the Arbiter as a n00b * Prophet of Haters. See also * Easy * Noob Combo * Noob cancer * Noob Society * Noobish Editor Category: Shit people complain about